Anonymous British

A Chant of Army Cooks

We never were made to be seen on parade When sweethearts and such line the streets; When the band starts to blare, look for us we ain't there-- We're mussing around with the eats. It's fun to step out to the echoing shout Of a crowd that forgets how you're fed, While we're soiling our duds hacking eyes out of spuds-- You know what Napoleon said. When the mess sergeant's gay, you can bet hell's to pay For the boys who are standing in line; When the boys get a square, then the sergeant is there With your death warrant ready to sign. If you're long on the grub, then you're damned for a dub, If you're short, you're a miser instead, But, however you feel, you must get the next meal-- You know what Napoleon said. You think it's a cinch when you come to the clinch For the man who is grinding the meat; In the heat of the fight, why the cook's out of sight With plenty of room to retreat But a plump of a shell in a kitchen is hell When the roof scatters over your head, And you crawl on your knees to pick up the K. P. 's-- You know what Napoleon said. If the war ever ends, we'll go back to our friends-- In the army we've nary a one; We'll list to the prattle of this or that battle, And then, when the story is done, We'll say, when they ask, "Now what was your task, And what is the glory you shed? " "You see how they thrive--well, we kept 'em alive! You know what Napoleon said. " From Great Poems of the World War, edited by W. D. Eaton, Chicago: T. S. Denison & Company, 1922, p. 66. There are many specialist references within this piece that would indicate it was truly written by an old soldier get a square - On early sailing ships sailors would be served on square wooden plates which were easy to stow away safely. Marine soldiers carried on board ship would pick up the term square meal in this way. Napoleon is famous for saying "an army marches on its stomach" KP is often thought of as an abbreviation of Kitchen Patrol or Kitchen Punishment and is an oft used military expression for a punishment duty. In this sense police has its old meaning of watching or cleaning. So picking up the KPs means collecting those on this "extra duty" The use of the word gay is also old fashioned meaning blithe or happy and does not hold its modern sexual meaning here. JS