Anonymous British

Piddlin' Pete

A famous dog once came to town Known to his friends as Pete His pedigree was ten yards long His looks were hard to beat And as he trotted down the road 'twas beautiful to see His work at every corner Every post and every tree He never missed a land mark He never missed a post For piddling was his masterpiece And piddling pleased him most The city dogs stood looking on In deep and jealous rage To see this little country dog The piddler of his age They smelt his efforts one by one They smelt him two by two But noble Pete in high disdain Stood still 'til they were through Then when they'd smelt him everywhere The praise for him ran high But when one smelt him underneath Pete piddled in his eye Just then to show these city dogs He didn't care a damn He strolled into the grocers shop And piddled on the ham He piddled on the cornflakes He piddled on the floor And when the grocer threw him out He piddled up the door Behind him all the city dogs Debated what to do They'd hold a piddling carnival The hoop they'd put him through They showed him all the piddling posts They knew about the town And off they set with many a wink To wear the stranger down But Pete was with them all the way With vigour and with vim A thousand piddles more or less Were all the same to him And on and on went noble Pete As tireless as a windmill And very soon those city dogs Were piddled to a standstill Then Pete an exhibition gave Of all the ways to piddle With double drips and fancy flips And now and then a dribble The city dogs said farewell Pete Your piddling did defeat us But no one ever put them wise That Pete. . . had diabetes. Although the original author is unknown this version is based on the arrangement and performances by Leslie Sarony [1897-1985] in the English Musical Halls. The poem has been attributed to Eugene Field, an American author primarily associated with 19th century children's stories.